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Archive for October, 2010

 Adam and I have always been very aware of the importance of independance in a relationship, so much so that it may have affected our transition from dating to being in a relationship. The chang of moving from dating to “in a relationship” is more that just a status change on facebook. It’s something that can be a bumpy ride, full of some awkward moments and confusion.

When it came to making plans, I would always casually ask what he was up to, and then casually talk about what I was going to do….and if somehow there was a night free for both of us, I’d suggest we get together. We were two separate people, and when and if it worked out, we’d come together as a great couple.  This way we maintained our independance, always put what we wanted to do first and never felt like we were pressuring the other to do something they don’t want to do. I thought at first…WOW..this is Amazing!! I get to do whatever I want to do, live my life the same way and have a great guy in my life.  It’s liberating for anyone that’s come from a stressful relationship…well….because it’s not really a relationship at all!

Before we knew it the highs and closeness that we experienced when we were together, became lows and feelings of distance when we each went our own way. Everything we built up in our relationship when together, slowly dissolved over a week where we’d hardly communicate and let each other into our life. This roller coaster was not fun to be on. We found when we saw each other after a long time apart that it would actually take a while to “warm up” to being comfortable with the other.

How did we solve this? Well, we still wanted to keep up with our busy schedules but days that we don’t see each other, we at least make a phone call to talk about our day. Even if we don’t have the most exciting news to share, chatting about regular day to day things helps keep the connection going when we can’t be together in person.

We also realized that we don’t need to only get together for fun, exciting dates. But it’s OK to spend an evening doing our own thing and then just come together at night to relax, watch some TV and go to bed.  Yeah, some may call the getting together at 10pm a booty call, but if you don’t want to sacrifice your activities and still remained connected it’s a great way to do it. (and it doesn’t always have to include the booty…well…in our case it usually does!)

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What is with us women and wanting to fix and change the men in our lives? Is it our sense of nurturing? Is it because we see the good and want to bring it out?

A few of my past relationships have been with men that I could see the glimpse of what they “could” be, and I stuck around with them (and even married them!) thinking that over time they’d change into the person that I wanted.  And I know for sure that I’ve been in relationships where my partner was hoping that I’d change into someone that I wasn’t.

A fixer-upper relationship is harmful to both people. The person wanting to see change gets frustrated. You are with someone that isnt’ right for you in the present with the hope that one day in the future they will be.  That future day seems to get further and further in time and you start to  get upset with your partner for just being who they are.  The person that’s being changed starts to feeling  like you are trying to manipulate them or judge them as inadequate. The feel like they can’t be themselves which is just as frustrating as being on the other end.

The fact that Adam is exactly what I want in a partner right now is such a complete difference from my previous relationships. I admire so many things about him. His compassion, his patience, his drive to excel in everything he does. He actually inspires me to want to (more…)

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…YOU ARE!  Looks at this picture, it makes you want to run as far away as possible.  Why would you willingly begin a lifelong association with this diapervillain in exchange for a mere evening (or 10 seconds!) of passion?

Instead of listening to this tiny emo freak about about some bedtime travesty, wouldn’t you rather be chilling with your friends having adult conversation? 

Well…I think I need to capture my thoughts right now, because for the first time in my life I am not scared by this little maniac.  She just does not scare me at all!

I don’t know how it happened, but somewhere in my brain a subtle shift occured while I was thinking about the relationship between Eve and I; and I thought to myself – ‘having some little crydemon around the house like this one sounds like a really good idea’.

So, why the change of heart?  You know I have to be honest, I still don’t have an answer for that.  I just pictured Eve and I with a kid and it made me happy.

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There were some tentative plans for Eve and I to hang out which fell through, and I’ve got her on my mind a lot…so I thought I’d blog about us!  It’s nice to be back on the blog…have been away a while due to busy work schedule.

Eve and I came across this article in one of her magazines..

www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-relationships/sex-advice-1

..thought it was a great way to categorize the different ways we have sex.  The timing of my learning about his article was astonishing because it made complete sense of an experience that (more…)

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