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Posts Tagged ‘couples’

Adam and I are similar in many ways. We met playing Ultimate Frisbee, which is something we continue to enjoy together today. We both like to think big, analyze situations, build and create things and we both share a very similar sense of humour so we are always laughing.

But lately as we start talking more about our pasts and what we want in the future we are finding some differences. What’s hard to tell is how much we should worry about these. Both our previous marraiges failed because we didn’t take some serious differences into account. So now we are looking at them under a very strong microscope. Would we have worried so much about these things without our past experiences? Probably not. Is is a good thing to examine a relationship and make sure it’s right for you. Probably. But the line between the differences that are OK and the differences that are a recipe for disaster can be something hard to find.

I came across this really great blog post that helped me a little with my thoughts around this subject, so I thought I would share it:

How the Differences in Your Relationships Can be gifts

…With these monumental differences laid out in front of us, we had every reason in the world to say our goodbyes and move on. But it was in our decision to stick together that we learned far more about who we were as individuals than we would have had we found carbon copies of ourselves…. Read Full blog post on Tiny Buddha site.

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January means a blank slate where I work. Our fiscal year ends December 31st, and therefore all our goals for the year have been hopefully reached and we’re starting to plan what we want to achieve in 2011. This means the month is full of a lot of reflecting. Reflecting on what we set out to do in 2010, how we performed, what were our big successes and what were the areas we need to improve on. This reflection is expressed in our annual review which we spend time working through with our managers.

 Similarly, Adam and I found ourselves doing a bit of an annual review with each other over the holidays. We reflected on all the fun things we did throughout the year together, like first dates, camping, travel, twentyfifthfests and many other great adventures. We reflected on  how our relationship grew and strengthened as we got to know each other better and opened up ourselves to once again be intimate with another person. We also looked at some of the struggles that we had. Times where we felt (more…)

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As I mentioned in another post, our relationship has become much more public in recent times, and a lot of free time in December was spent visiting family and friends. We did not plan an official 25th fest (Christmas Day!). But in fact it kind of happened anyway!

Giving each other presents and having each other become closer to each other’s family was a very bonding experience. We had a lot of time off work and did a lot of sleepovers. We went back and forth between our houses; what Eve funnily called a “bed” crawl. I loved it!!

We also had some quiet movie / tea drinking nights to rest up between visits. Some of the most enjoyable evenings we’ve had. Christmas holidays this year was just incredible!!

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We went to our first sex show..and attended for an entire weekend!

Seminars, demonstrations, booths..it was incredible. I just felt like a hot guy even just being there. Eve wrote about this in the post – “three candles“.

To me, the weekend was very much about getting past our shyness about wanting to explore our sexuality. And explore we did. We left that weekend with enough toys to keep us entertained until next year’s show. The XXX factor of our already ridiculicious sex life went off the charts.

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So that was our first purchase at the Everything to do with sex show this weekend. Pretty lame eh? or was it?

Wasn’t the fact that we were there, set us apart from many couples who still find it taboo to delve into this particular world of sexuality? So being the geek that I am…I had to do some research on the topic. According to a New York Times Article, even though the word “vibrator” still gets a giggle and blushes, it’s actually quite widely used. 53% of all women and nearly half of all men have used one in the bedroom. And my notion of the vibrator being used by the lonely women who don’t have a guy to do the deed with is wrong too!  The article makes it clear that the vibrator — dismissed as a “masturbatory machine” for “sexually dysfunctional females” in The Journal of Popular Culture back in 1974 — is being used by couples for shared pleasure. 81%of women and 91% of men who’ve used one report having done so with a partner.

And when it came to this show, the vibrator was just the beginning. The amount of toys and tools and straps and whips…was completely overwhelming! So where does a couple start? It was a wee bit intimidating for both Adam and I.  We actually didn’t even know what half of the things in there even did. So of course our first purchase was some lovely scented candles, that when the wax melted you could use it as a massage cream for your partner.

But then we went to one of the shows many seminars; a guy who took the time to explain some of the different sex toys out there and how we could incorporate them into our sex life as a couple. And once the seminar ended, both Adam and I were no longer the timid candle buyers, but we totally went for it! So in my next few blogs I’m going to talk about some of the things we learned, and explain some of the things that we’ve tried. This is our first year of adding some toys into our relationship and as we figure it all out, we’ d love to share it with all of you. (so that you can skip the candles and go straight for the good stuff!)

So this was my first ever sex toy purchase: Joy Balls.

What are they? They are two silicon covered balls that you insert into your vagina. They vibrate inside of you and kinda give you a bit of a massage while training your vaginal muscles and pelvic floor to intensify pleasure for you AND your partner. Love balls have actually been used since the Late Middle ages. Even Japanese Geishas used them to tone their muscles so that they could give their customers more pleasure.  The muscle that is being trained is called the PC muscle. It runs from the public bone to the coccyx and surrounds the vagina. Wearing the joyball in the vagina stretches this pelvic floor muscle. And through the slight movements of the internal balls and the balls own weight you are training this muscle. Pelvic floor training means you experience more pleasure during sex since its the vaginal muscle that is responsible for arousal and the ability to orgasm. You can hold you partner’s penis more firmly when these muscles are stronger – that will drive him wild! Also, many use joyballs after giving birth to firm up the muscles again, and it’s also supposed to help with preventing bladder problems when you are older.

So what did it feel like?I popped them in for just a little while the first time. You could feel them in there, but after a while you really forgot about them. Lying in bed, Adam and I added taking them out to our foreplay and it was quite exciting to feel them being pulled out slowly by him. The second day I wore them for about 4hrs while we walked around. (they suggest 4hrs per day to train muscles properly) Walking around you can definitely feel the internal balls in them move around, and it did turn me on a little as they gently massaged the inside of me. Plus it was a huge turn-on for both of us when in the middle of a huge crowd, I leaned over to Adam and told him  that I had them inside of me! They suggest slightly tensing your muscles once in a while for an added workout. (kinda like you are holding in your pee) and that felt pretty exciting too. By the end of the 4hrs, I was very horny and really wanted to get Adam back into the bedroom ASAP!

So that was our first ever sex toy in the bedroom. And there were more that weekend…but I’ll let Adam describe some of them too.

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…YOU ARE!  Looks at this picture, it makes you want to run as far away as possible.  Why would you willingly begin a lifelong association with this diapervillain in exchange for a mere evening (or 10 seconds!) of passion?

Instead of listening to this tiny emo freak about about some bedtime travesty, wouldn’t you rather be chilling with your friends having adult conversation? 

Well…I think I need to capture my thoughts right now, because for the first time in my life I am not scared by this little maniac.  She just does not scare me at all!

I don’t know how it happened, but somewhere in my brain a subtle shift occured while I was thinking about the relationship between Eve and I; and I thought to myself – ‘having some little crydemon around the house like this one sounds like a really good idea’.

So, why the change of heart?  You know I have to be honest, I still don’t have an answer for that.  I just pictured Eve and I with a kid and it made me happy.

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The term twentyfifthfest came out over some emails between Adam and me. We were trying to figure out a day that we could do something special together, just the two of us. The first date that was available was September 25th and we started to brainstorm something fun that we could do together that day. Before we knew it, we were refering it to Twentyfifthfest!

We are planning on celebrating twentyfiftfest every month for the rest of our lives. It’s the 3rd Saturday in every month (not always the 25th unfortunately) and it’s a day dedicated to doing something just the two of us. It has to include one “new” experience, either a new activity, new food or new experience that is new to the both of us. And then we do something that connects us intimately at night. A fantasy that we want to act out, a new position (or variety of them) a way to stimulate all our senses in a new way.

Setting a side just one day a month to celebrate your relationship is an amazing time to rediscover why you love eachother. So we’re going to blog about each one. Feel free to twentyfifthfest along with us and rekindle that spark every month!! (or in our case….make sure you never lose the spark)

Here’s one of the great emails trying to plan the day, you have to read to September Twentyfifthfest blog to see what we really did!

Hey Eve!!
 Something came over me today, I am totally crazy excited for saturday…I started thinking about some things and I just wanted to throw a few ideas out there. I’m totally open to anything…we are the dream team, it’s almost unfair to have this much talent in one pairing, when we decide to go out and have fun it’s pretty much a guarantee for good times!!
 
Ok, so I was thinking about one of the things I liked about tantra…spending time being aware of the senses…the course was one of the few times I slowed down my short-attention-span lifestyle and savoured sights, smells, sounds.  So I thought maybe we could add that flavour to our all day saturday date! (more…)

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