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Archive for September, 2010

Eve and I came up with a really cool invention, a kind of monthly holiday/adventure for two that happens once a month – 25th fest! See our earlier blog for more details.

I’m going to share some details from each 25th fest on our blog, here’s the first entry – enjoy!

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We started the day with an amazing sandwich – veal parm, mmm. This would eventually become a 25th fest tradition.

We went to the market and bought aphrodisiacs galore (chocolate, oysters, strawberries, figs, etc.) for dinner that evening.

We went to a cafe and played a few games to stimulate the mind.

Later that evening we turned the living room into a feast of the senses and went wild!

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back to the future

I’m sitting in my living room. It was almost exactly two years ago that this living room was filled with tears.  It had a pile of boxes of his stuff in the corner. The TV ripped out of the wall. An agreement for me to sign on the dining table. It was the end of my marraige and a time where I had lost all hope.  If I could go back in time and talk to a teary Eve sitting on the couch I would have so much to tell her.

I’d tell her that in this living room she’d spend 4hrs talking to Adam and she’d discover someone that could understand the pain she went through.  That on that couch they’d share their first kiss and start on an incredible journey from friendship to soulmates. That she may feel that she’s lost happiness and love….but she doesn’t even know what happiness and love is yet.

Last night Adam and I filled that space with candles, amazing food, music, wine, kisses, laughter and sex. I could never imagine in a million years that I would be as happy as I was at the moment. I felt beautiful. I felt safe. I felt loved. I felt more alive than I ever have in my life. I needed to be pinched to believe that it was real.

 There’s a bit of candle wax on the ground, a runaway chocolate almond under the couch, and two empty wine glasses on the stand. The sad past of this living room has been erased, it’s now full of a story of two people falling in love, and who knows what’s in store for it’s future.

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flipping the switch

When you first start dating someone you want to think of them as “the one”.  Your knight in shining armour, your fairytale prince, your Romeo. The long-term vision of where your relationship may be one day is vague and full of roses, rainbows and clouds shaped as hearts. But the reality is quite different. Your dating is usually pretty tactical. What are you up to this weekend? You busy Friday night? Dinner tonight? If you do talk about the future, it’s very general without much detail.

In the last few weeks things have been changing for me.  All of a sudden when I think about vacations I want to go on, I wonder if Adam would enjoy them. When a weekend comes I usually already know what “we” are up to.  When I think about the next house that I’m going to live in, I see Adam and I sitting on a swing on it’s front porch.

And Adam tends to drop little hints that he’s feeling the same way too. Like when I talked about still having some parking tickets under my old license plate, he mentioned that we’ll just have to register cars under him in the future. Or he went from always talking about wanting to  move into a condo in the city, to now maybe waiting to see what happens with us first.

It’s an exciting, stomach butterfly causing time when you flip the switch from planning your own future, to now including someone else in those plans. You don’t want to jump into those discussions too soon, or you may scare away the other person. There’s nothing worse than having your partner describe a vivid future that they have all planned out for the two of you, when you’re not on the same page yet.  Both people need to reach that point naturally, and on their own timeline.

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The term twentyfifthfest came out over some emails between Adam and me. We were trying to figure out a day that we could do something special together, just the two of us. The first date that was available was September 25th and we started to brainstorm something fun that we could do together that day. Before we knew it, we were refering it to Twentyfifthfest!

We are planning on celebrating twentyfiftfest every month for the rest of our lives. It’s the 3rd Saturday in every month (not always the 25th unfortunately) and it’s a day dedicated to doing something just the two of us. It has to include one “new” experience, either a new activity, new food or new experience that is new to the both of us. And then we do something that connects us intimately at night. A fantasy that we want to act out, a new position (or variety of them) a way to stimulate all our senses in a new way.

Setting a side just one day a month to celebrate your relationship is an amazing time to rediscover why you love eachother. So we’re going to blog about each one. Feel free to twentyfifthfest along with us and rekindle that spark every month!! (or in our case….make sure you never lose the spark)

Here’s one of the great emails trying to plan the day, you have to read to September Twentyfifthfest blog to see what we really did!

Hey Eve!!
 Something came over me today, I am totally crazy excited for saturday…I started thinking about some things and I just wanted to throw a few ideas out there. I’m totally open to anything…we are the dream team, it’s almost unfair to have this much talent in one pairing, when we decide to go out and have fun it’s pretty much a guarantee for good times!!
 
Ok, so I was thinking about one of the things I liked about tantra…spending time being aware of the senses…the course was one of the few times I slowed down my short-attention-span lifestyle and savoured sights, smells, sounds.  So I thought maybe we could add that flavour to our all day saturday date! (more…)

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Eve and I started out as friends, and the evolution of our friendship into a friendlationship and then relationship was a gradual one.  Some other time I think I’ll blog a bit more on what it was like as we went through this transition.  For now, I’ll give you my opinion on a comment from one of Eve’s girlfriends, Mary.  Mary said that she thought the relationship between Eve and I was great but she could never date a friend.

To Mary I say this: agree and disagree.

A friend is fun, trustworthy, and there for you in good times and bad.

A lover shares with you the heights of passion and the deepest connection.

I think I can understand where Mary is coming from.  Could someone you refer to as your pal or chum ever evoke the powerful feelings that move us?  There is something raw about the bond between lovers that seems opposite to the civility of friendship. 

The desire for passion in a relationship is strong enough that men and women will date bad boys/girls without the redeeming qualities of a friend. (more…)

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The sexual connection that Eve and I share is very satisfying to me.  On the rare nights we get a chance to sleep over, it is not uncommon for us to stay up all night (no exaggeration), cuddle, talk and mostly have sex for hours.  It has gotten to the point that we have to implement special plans that encourage us to wrap it up and get some sleep so that we don’t ruin our whole week!  I’d have to say that this is hands down the best problem I’ve ever had in a relationship.  I joke about it, but it’s actually something we need to work out.  Sometimes we’ll avoid sleeping over because we know we can’t discipline ourselves to sleep when we should.

About a month ago, Eve went on vacation for a week.  It’s weird, our daily lives are so busy that we sometimes only see each other once in a week, but for some reason when she was far away the missing each other was all the more intense.  When she came back to town, what took place was like an olympiad of sex; we didn’t leave the bedroom for 20 hours.

Since then our schedules have not synced up again for a sleepover.  We did have a few short visits.  When we did we (more…)

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I’m experiencing a relationship problem with Adam that I haven’t encountered ever before.  It’s the feeling that I’m dating someone out of my league. Sorry to all the guys in my past, but Adam is the first person I’ve dated with it ALL – the perfect combination of great looks, great brain, and great personality.

So now I’ve gone from having the security and confidence of knowing that I’m the great catch in the relationship, to sometimes feeling that maybe I’m not good enough for him. These worries can make you act bizarro at times!

Out of my league worry #1: He’s going to find someone better – This one is scary for me since I’m the first and only person he’s dated since his separation. Was I just someone that was comfortable for him since we were friends? Is it just a matter of time until he discovers all the other tasty, more colourful fish in the sea?

Out of my league worry #2: He’s got more important stuff on his mind than me – Adam is a smart guy, he works in a really technical, sometimes stressful environment and always has projects, ideas and concepts floating around in his head. (more…)

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