Posts Tagged ‘marraige’

“We live in the shelter of each other.”— Celtic saying

 One of the relationship books that we are reading is Hold Me Tight, and the main premise of the book is that the most important part in a relationship is having a feeling of security.  The books says: “When we feel generally secure, that is, we are comfortable with closeness and confident about depending on loved ones, we are better at seeking support — and better at giving it.”

 I think about my relationship with Adam, and the times that I feel distant or unsure about our relationship are the times where my feelings of being safe and secure in the relationship are threatened. And it’s amazing how the smallest of things can make you worry or feel vulnerable. It doesn’t have to be a massive fight, or some big action that they did to hurt you. In most cases it’s the small subtleties, which your partner is probably not even aware of, that to you can have the biggest impact on your ability to feel secure.

 In my case, Adam’s past has always made me feel uneasy. It’s a combination of things, that I know over time will hopefully go away. But as we’re still in the stages of building our relationship, it’s easy for them to weigh on my mind and make me apprehensive. Before me, Adam had a very long term relationship with his ex-wife that spanned most of his time in highschool and university. So when I think about his past, I know that most of those memories included her and it makes me feel like the 1 year that I’ve had in a relationship with him is inferior to the over 12 years that he spent with her. And it’s not because I think he’s going to get back with her or that I think that he still has feeling for her. But I think it’s because I want to feel like our relationship is the most important part of his life, and in reality his previous relationship has been a bigger part of his life to date.  It’s hard to think about that fact that most of his memories and experiences involve her being by his side, instead of me.

 Also, in my previous marriage I made a very bad judgment call on the character of my ex-husband, (more…)


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