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Posts Tagged ‘future’

January means a blank slate where I work. Our fiscal year ends December 31st, and therefore all our goals for the year have been hopefully reached and we’re starting to plan what we want to achieve in 2011. This means the month is full of a lot of reflecting. Reflecting on what we set out to do in 2010, how we performed, what were our big successes and what were the areas we need to improve on. This reflection is expressed in our annual review which we spend time working through with our managers.

 Similarly, Adam and I found ourselves doing a bit of an annual review with each other over the holidays. We reflected on all the fun things we did throughout the year together, like first dates, camping, travel, twentyfifthfests and many other great adventures. We reflected on  how our relationship grew and strengthened as we got to know each other better and opened up ourselves to once again be intimate with another person. We also looked at some of the struggles that we had. Times where we felt (more…)

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flipping the switch

When you first start dating someone you want to think of them as “the one”.  Your knight in shining armour, your fairytale prince, your Romeo. The long-term vision of where your relationship may be one day is vague and full of roses, rainbows and clouds shaped as hearts. But the reality is quite different. Your dating is usually pretty tactical. What are you up to this weekend? You busy Friday night? Dinner tonight? If you do talk about the future, it’s very general without much detail.

In the last few weeks things have been changing for me.  All of a sudden when I think about vacations I want to go on, I wonder if Adam would enjoy them. When a weekend comes I usually already know what “we” are up to.  When I think about the next house that I’m going to live in, I see Adam and I sitting on a swing on it’s front porch.

And Adam tends to drop little hints that he’s feeling the same way too. Like when I talked about still having some parking tickets under my old license plate, he mentioned that we’ll just have to register cars under him in the future. Or he went from always talking about wanting to  move into a condo in the city, to now maybe waiting to see what happens with us first.

It’s an exciting, stomach butterfly causing time when you flip the switch from planning your own future, to now including someone else in those plans. You don’t want to jump into those discussions too soon, or you may scare away the other person. There’s nothing worse than having your partner describe a vivid future that they have all planned out for the two of you, when you’re not on the same page yet.  Both people need to reach that point naturally, and on their own timeline.

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You know that point you reach in a relationship where you know that your heart is starting to get more and more in it? It’s exciting, since you have this warm, great feeling inside of you. But at the same time is can be terrifying, since once your heart is in it…then it opens the door to it being broken.

With the heartache that both Adam and I experienced in the last year, this point in our relationship was extremely hard. We had a lot of “talks” to make sure we were on the same path and we were both trying to search for evidence or cues that would help to verify that this was a relationship that was built to last. We’re both have a science background and tend tackle things with a lot of logic and analysis. We collected tons of observations on what was going on between us, and sometimes they’d lead us to the wrong conclusions. What did he really mean when he didn’t call me for 3 days? What did she really mean when she packed her schedule with plans with other people? So we took our observations…tried to build hypothesis to what they meant and used this to try to come to a conclusion on whether we’d be in love together forever.

Man, if love followed a scientific formula then Adam and I would have mastered it a long time ago. (we’re pretty geeky and like to excel in everything) And we clearly didn’t.  The thing is, (more…)

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