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We went to our first sex show..and attended for an entire weekend!

Seminars, demonstrations, booths..it was incredible. I just felt like a hot guy even just being there. Eve wrote about this in the post – “three candles“.

To me, the weekend was very much about getting past our shyness about wanting to explore our sexuality. And explore we did. We left that weekend with enough toys to keep us entertained until next year’s show. The XXX factor of our already ridiculicious sex life went off the charts.

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We’ll take 3 candles please…

So that was our first purchase at the Everything to do with sex show this weekend. Pretty lame eh? or was it?

Wasn’t the fact that we were there, set us apart from many couples who still find it taboo to delve into this particular world of sexuality? So being the geek that I am…I had to do some research on the topic. According to a New York Times Article, even though the word “vibrator” still gets a giggle and blushes, it’s actually quite widely used. 53% of all women and nearly half of all men have used one in the bedroom. And my notion of the vibrator being used by the lonely women who don’t have a guy to do the deed with is wrong too!  The article makes it clear that the vibrator — dismissed as a “masturbatory machine” for “sexually dysfunctional females” in The Journal of Popular Culture back in 1974 — is being used by couples for shared pleasure. 81%of women and 91% of men who’ve used one report having done so with a partner.

And when it came to this show, the vibrator was just the beginning. The amount of toys and tools and straps and whips…was completely overwhelming! So where does a couple start? It was a wee bit intimidating for both Adam and I.  We actually didn’t even know what half of the things in there even did. So of course our first purchase was some lovely scented candles, that when the wax melted you could use it as a massage cream for your partner.

But then we went to one of the shows many seminars; a guy who took the time to explain some of the different sex toys out there and how we could incorporate them into our sex life as a couple. And once the seminar ended, both Adam and I were no longer the timid candle buyers, but we totally went for it! So in my next few blogs I’m going to talk about some of the things we learned, and explain some of the things that we’ve tried. This is our first year of adding some toys into our relationship and as we figure it all out, we’ d love to share it with all of you. (so that you can skip the candles and go straight for the good stuff!)

So this was my first ever sex toy purchase: Joy Balls.

What are they? They are two silicon covered balls that you insert into your vagina. They vibrate inside of you and kinda give you a bit of a massage while training your vaginal muscles and pelvic floor to intensify pleasure for you AND your partner. Love balls have actually been used since the Late Middle ages. Even Japanese Geishas used them to tone their muscles so that they could give their customers more pleasure.  The muscle that is being trained is called the PC muscle. It runs from the public bone to the coccyx and surrounds the vagina. Wearing the joyball in the vagina stretches this pelvic floor muscle. And through the slight movements of the internal balls and the balls own weight you are training this muscle. Pelvic floor training means you experience more pleasure during sex since its the vaginal muscle that is responsible for arousal and the ability to orgasm. You can hold you partner’s penis more firmly when these muscles are stronger – that will drive him wild! Also, many use joyballs after giving birth to firm up the muscles again, and it’s also supposed to help with preventing bladder problems when you are older.

So what did it feel like?I popped them in for just a little while the first time. You could feel them in there, but after a while you really forgot about them. Lying in bed, Adam and I added taking them out to our foreplay and it was quite exciting to feel them being pulled out slowly by him. The second day I wore them for about 4hrs while we walked around. (they suggest 4hrs per day to train muscles properly) Walking around you can definitely feel the internal balls in them move around, and it did turn me on a little as they gently massaged the inside of me. Plus it was a huge turn-on for both of us when in the middle of a huge crowd, I leaned over to Adam and told him  that I had them inside of me! They suggest slightly tensing your muscles once in a while for an added workout. (kinda like you are holding in your pee) and that felt pretty exciting too. By the end of the 4hrs, I was very horny and really wanted to get Adam back into the bedroom ASAP!

So that was our first ever sex toy in the bedroom. And there were more that weekend…but I’ll let Adam describe some of them too.

today’s secret sex word is…

So Adam and I came up with a new game for our relationship this weekend. The “Secret Sex Word of the Day” It came up since on Saturday night I told Adam that he was “yummy” as we were falling asleep, and for some reason that really turned him on and we ended up not going  to sleep for another few hours! The next morning we were getting up to make some breakfast and I mentioned my Lululemon’s (a workout pant that guys seem to really like to see on girls) and that word delayed our breakfast plans for another hour.

It was really funny how a “word”, could ignite passion in us and make us go crazy! So since the both of us are quite playful and love a good game, we decided to every day put in our BlackBerries a “Secret Sex Word of the Day” and during that day if the other person ever said the word we had to exit the situation as soon as possible and have sex. No questions asked. The person just has to show the other that the secret word is logged into the BlackBerry and then they both have to come up with some excuse to get away.

Now we’ve only had the words come up when we were alone in the bedroom. So who knows how it’s going to work outside of that. We don’t know what the chances really are that the other will say some random word that we’ve come up with. And the word changes every day…

Day one is today. I’ve got my word in my BlackBerry so let’s see how it goes. We have an ultimate game tonite…so I could predict some “words” that we’d both be saying in the game. But I guess that’s cheating. It would be WAY more fun to have a completely random word set it off. Stay Tuned.

Today I got an email from my aunt telling our family that her and my uncle were getting divorced. The moment it was sent there was a flurry of email responses, phone calls, arrangements for the family to get together to support my uncle. We all were ready to drop everything to be there for him.

Just 5 days ago the whole family dropped everything to get together for another occasion. A wedding. And there was a flurry of emails and phone calls and arrangements to plan such an exciting celebration together.

So within 5 days and new marriage began and a 12 year marriage ended. And once again I have to wonder what’s the recipe for a successful marriage?

During the wedding ceremony, when the vows were being said I reached over and held Adam’s hand. Part of the reason was because I wanted him to feel a bit of comfort in case hearing vows was upsetting him in any way. I also felt a lot of hope and love inside of me at that moment since I was thinking about one day standing there saying those words to Adam. And the last part was that, even 3 years later, hearing vows does still sometimes upset me a little.

When I think of my uncle and aunts relationship…when they first got married they were crazy about each other. They couldn’t keep their hands off each other, so much so, that their PDAs actually made the rest of us feel a wee bit uncomfortable!

So like with any ended marriage you wonder what happened in between?

And so today that’s all that I can think about. Continue Reading »

When something is amazing in our relationship, the first thing I want to do is blog about it. Our crazy dates, our big steps forward, our exciting new sexual discoveries all lead me to wanting to share and inspire others to find the same bliss.

But I also want to be real. It’s not always rainbows and unicorns and as readers and a blogger, sharing the not so fun stuff is even more valuable. So here I go.

The last weekend that past was a biggie for me and Adam. It was the wedding of a close family friend of mine, and I brought Adam as my date. Pretty much all my family and extended family and close friends were there, and bringing Adam was a very public sign to them about how serious we were. I had never in the past brought any guy to a family wedding (except after they became my husband!) So by having him by my side was telling them that I was seriously considering a future with him. He met all my extended family, was in family photos and shared in a very important occasion in my family life. I was happy about it, and it felt totally right that weekend. I could see him as a part of my family and it made me excited about our future together.

Adam then left on a business trip and we kept up with our flirty texts and emails in order to remain connected. And then I got a couple emails Continue Reading »

a rollercoaster ride

 Adam and I have always been very aware of the importance of independance in a relationship, so much so that it may have affected our transition from dating to being in a relationship. The chang of moving from dating to “in a relationship” is more that just a status change on facebook. It’s something that can be a bumpy ride, full of some awkward moments and confusion.

When it came to making plans, I would always casually ask what he was up to, and then casually talk about what I was going to do….and if somehow there was a night free for both of us, I’d suggest we get together. We were two separate people, and when and if it worked out, we’d come together as a great couple.  This way we maintained our independance, always put what we wanted to do first and never felt like we were pressuring the other to do something they don’t want to do. I thought at first…WOW..this is Amazing!! I get to do whatever I want to do, live my life the same way and have a great guy in my life.  It’s liberating for anyone that’s come from a stressful relationship…well….because it’s not really a relationship at all!

Before we knew it the highs and closeness that we experienced when we were together, became lows and feelings of distance when we each went our own way. Everything we built up in our relationship when together, slowly dissolved over a week where we’d hardly communicate and let each other into our life. This roller coaster was not fun to be on. We found when we saw each other after a long time apart that it would actually take a while to “warm up” to being comfortable with the other.

How did we solve this? Well, we still wanted to keep up with our busy schedules but days that we don’t see each other, we at least make a phone call to talk about our day. Even if we don’t have the most exciting news to share, chatting about regular day to day things helps keep the connection going when we can’t be together in person.

We also realized that we don’t need to only get together for fun, exciting dates. But it’s OK to spend an evening doing our own thing and then just come together at night to relax, watch some TV and go to bed.  Yeah, some may call the getting together at 10pm a booty call, but if you don’t want to sacrifice your activities and still remained connected it’s a great way to do it. (and it doesn’t always have to include the booty…well…in our case it usually does!)

What is with us women and wanting to fix and change the men in our lives? Is it our sense of nurturing? Is it because we see the good and want to bring it out?

A few of my past relationships have been with men that I could see the glimpse of what they “could” be, and I stuck around with them (and even married them!) thinking that over time they’d change into the person that I wanted.  And I know for sure that I’ve been in relationships where my partner was hoping that I’d change into someone that I wasn’t.

A fixer-upper relationship is harmful to both people. The person wanting to see change gets frustrated. You are with someone that isnt’ right for you in the present with the hope that one day in the future they will be.  That future day seems to get further and further in time and you start to  get upset with your partner for just being who they are.  The person that’s being changed starts to feeling  like you are trying to manipulate them or judge them as inadequate. The feel like they can’t be themselves which is just as frustrating as being on the other end.

The fact that Adam is exactly what I want in a partner right now is such a complete difference from my previous relationships. I admire so many things about him. His compassion, his patience, his drive to excel in everything he does. He actually inspires me to want to Continue Reading »